I Don’t Care If She Starves

 

The Wood family’s schedule continued with jobs, school, sports, music lessons and countless church, community and school events. Chuck’s routine persisted to be arriving home long after dinner was consumed, the children had completed their homework and were settled in bed.

As Jalene  conversed with counselors and her pastor, she realized Chuck’s disdain for her only intensified. She maintained  her pleas to Chuck for an understanding of what she could do to be the wife he desired, but his isolation of her heightened .  The physical abuse strengthened as Chuck  shoved and restrained Jalene, while his emotional support and physical interaction were virtually non-existent.

Jalene’s counselor and pastor recommended she have a reprieve from Chuck. As the pastor queried whether Jalene had  friends or family whom she could temporarily reside with, she did not. However, she realized their counsel was correct. She could not remain as she was. She informed the children now a teen and pre-teen they would be moving from the house temporarily. They were adamant. They had no desire to move into an apartment and to leave their rooms and “things”.

Jalene was also stunned to hear Marie tell her that she knew “who buttered her bread” and if she left to accompany Jalene, Chuck would “write her off”. When Jalene shared these comments with her counselor, he informed her these were not the words of a 13-year-old. These were the words of her controlling and manipulative father.

Jalene pleaded with her children to join her, but at an early age, “things” became more important than relationships. Jalene grappled with whether to remain in the intense abuse or delay the inevitable. As she prepared to depart, Chuck physically and forcibly prevented her from removing anything from their home except her clothing and personal items.

They had additional furniture in the attic which sat collecting dust, but he reminded her it was his house and all things belonged to him. Jalene cited that she too was working, and they had achieved everything they owned with God’s love, grace and income together.  Other than their personal items, Jalene reiterated everything else was co-owned by each of them. Nonetheless, Chuck forbid her from removing even a dinner plate from their home. Abuse, control and manipulation were paramount to Chuck.

Jalene was dejected as she went from apartment to apartment to locate one which she could afford on her part-time income. In the 1980’s furnished apartments were not as plentiful and many too costly on her meager salary. After locating the apartment, she had to locate a bed, chair and table which she could lease short-term. Her anguish was the greatest she had ever felt. However, she was yet to learn of Chuck’s inconceivable behavior.

By the time she leased the apartment and meager furnishings and paid the deposits on the utilities, she was penniless. There was not even $1.00 for groceries. Working as a consulting dietitian in long-term care enabled her to eat lunch at the facilities where she consulted. That was her daily, sole meal. Survival became her utmost goal.

In less than 24 hours after she moved into the apartment, she learned Chuck had removed her name from joint savings and checking accounts. Fortunately, one of the banks required that a joint account be written as “and”, which negated Chuck’s attempt to remove her from that account.  However, she was eliminated from other accounts and therefore no access to monetary funds.

The week-end following Jalene’s arrival to the apartment she telephoned her children to come and join her for an outing. Christian refused, but Marie anticipated the outing. Upon arrival to Jalene’s apartment, as curious teens do, Marie began snooping in all the cabinets. Marie shrieked, “Mom, where is your food?”  Tearfully Jalene replied, “Baby, I can’t afford food. It took all I had to move into the apartment.”  Marie continued, “but how do you eat?” Woefully Jalene answered, “I eat my lunch at the nursing homes, but don’t eat dinner.”

Marie and Jalene enjoyed their evening together of watching a television movie and snacking on popcorn, which Jalene had purchased for Marie’s arrival.  When Jalene delivered Marie back home, little Marie was eager to let Chuck know Jalene had no food.

Chuck’s harsh and angry reply startled Marie, “I don’t care if your mother starves to death. She is the one that left.” After 15 years of abuse from Chuck, Jalene comprehended that no one mattered to him. His only concerns in life were his finances, prestige and image. As a tax director for a local oil company, his income was sufficient that Jalene should never have been mandated to work outside the home. However, Chuck’s rapaciousness and narcissism nullified any rationale for allowing Jalene to be the full-time stay at home wife and mother she so earnestly desired.  Additionally, treating Jalene with even the slightest respect was foreign to Chuck.

Please continue Jalene’s journey. Her blog began in April 2016 from her childhood.

Dysfunction ?

As each spring approached, Jalene pleaded with Chuck for a summer vacation for the family. His reply never changed, “no, we don’t have the money”. However, there was always money for expensive private lessons for the children’s sports and music lessons, summer camps and retreats for the children. Why then, couldn’t they make some memories as a family with a vacation?

Jalene’s counselors enabled her to understand some of Chuck’s rationale. When they traveled, they would be in more confined spaces, with the family unit participating in events together. For the same justification Chuck refused to go on a honeymoon or even stay overnight in a nice hotel following their wedding, so too was his rationale for avoiding a family vacation. Counselors and Jalene knew it was never a matter of the lack of money. Chuck always had the financial means to purchase luxury cars, expensive clothes and any personal desire of his.

Being on a family vacation meant he would have to spend time with his wife and children daily. He would be expected to be viewed as a man whom loved this family. His love was not one of display. His love for his children was always what he would give them monetarily. He had no love for Jalene. Thus, he resented the expectations of a husband and father during a family vacation.

There had been two previous vacations which Chuck reminded Jalene of when she pleaded for such. The first was when the children were young and they flew to Disney Land in CA.  The second was with his parents when they visited Ben’s relatives. Chuck believed nothing was expected of him then, since his focus was on satisfying the desires of Ben and Lorraine.  Even though it was a mode of “getting away”, it was not truly a family vacation.

Jalene frequently reflected upon the conversation she and Chuck had prior to marriage; that of a family and children. Jalene longed to be a mother. However, when she noticed Chuck’s indifference toward all of them, his words echoed in her ears, heart and mind. He didn’t care if he had children, but if she wanted them, that was okay. After they had two, he mandated there would be no more. According to Chuck two children was enough for any family.

The dysfunction of the family became overtly apparent one summer day in 1984. Marie was 12, Christian 10. Jalene doesn’t recall the exact conversation which prompted Marie’s actions against her, but now 32 years later Jalene still recalls the outcome. While standing in the kitchen conversing with Marie, before she realized it, Marie had doubled up her fist and punched Jalene in the chest, knocking her backward. Jalene caught herself by grabbing the kitchen island and counter. Otherwise, she would have landed on the floor.

Not only was Jalene flabbergasted, but she was dumfounded as to the rationale of her daughter to assault her in such a manner.  Jalene’s loud pleas for Chuck to come into the house were repeated countless times over the roar of the lawnmower. His frustration was apparent that he must leave his chore to oblige Jalene. She showed him the large red whelp on her chest. There was no discipline of Marie. His words were, “I don’t know why the two of you can’t get along.” He returned to the lawnmowing, never again speaking of the incident. For Jalene, it was far more than a punch in the chest. It was flagrant disrespect from her daughter. Jalene had tried earnestly to have a close relationship with Marie, but she remained unsuccessful. This action further validated this effort.

Jalene realized Marie had the need to talk to someone about her feelings and perhaps the influence on her of the family dynamics. Because Marie refused all interaction with Jalene, she sought a psychologist specializing in adolescent behavior. The counselor was highly recommended, but after 6 -1 hour sessions, the counselor noted, she was unable to assist Marie and therefore the family.   Due to Marie’s rigid body and crossed arms duing each session, she made it very clear, she had nothing to say. The counselor noted it was a vain effort for all involved.

During the next weeks and months , Jalene continued to provide additional time and effort with Marie. She wanted Marie to know how deeply she loved her, but also of the great concern she had for her mental wellbeing. Jalene realized you can’t make anyone accept a gift; no matter what it may be. Jalene’s gift was to provide Marie with the opportunity to converse with a non-judgmental, neutral party.  Jalene had reiterated to Marie countless times during the counseling, “it’s okay to tell the counselor you are angry at me or even if you don’t like me, but please, please let her know what is bothering you.” It was not to be. Marie remained silent, while her anger intensified.

Jalene pleaded with Chuck for weekly family meetings, so that some of the concerns could be voiced and amended where necessary. Chuck believed this to be ridiculous as he shouted to her countless times.  The family dysfunction remained status quo.

Please follow Jalene as she continues her journey. This blog began in April 2016 from her childhood.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You Can’t Deny It Because You Say So!

As the weeks and months passed, the Ward family’s daily routine was like that of many other suburban families; two working parents, school and extracurricular activities. Sundays were occupied with church, so that they appeared to be a Godly, happy family. There were some exceptions with the Wood family. Most couples were not comprised of one straight and one gay spouse. As the years passed and Chuck’s resentment toward Jalene became more hostile, her struggles increased to appear “normal” as Chuck demanded.

Jalene had begun counseling several years prior, but without Chuck accompanying her, the counselor reminded her, it was not marriage counseling. Jalene’s abilities to cope with the dysfunction in their home was limited to what she could personally do to accept her life and to better the situation for her family. However, she realized she could not control or alter anyone. She could only control her emotions and actions.  Aside from Chuck’s refusal for physical and/or emotional intimacy, Jalene detested his demand that she never allow anyone to know their relationship was dysfunctional.

Chuck understood Jalene sought weekly counseling for their marital concerns, but he frequently reminded her she was not to be discussing her concerns with anyone outside their home; not even her family. Consequently, on Sundays when the typical arguing and often times physical conflicts occurred prior to departing for church or even in the car while commuting to church, it was routine for Chuck to grab Jalene’s arm and command that she walk into the church with a smile on her face and just like Tammy Wynette, “stand by her man.”

After one of the exceedingly physical and emotional Sunday morning “war zones” Jalene discussed this with her counselor. He reminded her, she was not obligated to put on a faux face of happiness if this was not her desire. Image and prestige were always paramount to Chuck. Jalene’s appearance of discontent or melancholy would not validate his appearance that his life was perfect.

Jalene also grew exhausted from Chuck’s demands that she not be upset by their dysfunctional and abusive marriage which included his homosexuality. After meeting with pastors, physicians and countless psychologists during their marriage, she realized Chuck’s homosexuality was not something she contrived. No matter how much he denied it, Jalene’s physicians were graphic in explaining the rationale on Chuck’s homosexuality versus merely a reduced sexual desire.

Chuck’s sexual dysfunction began on their wedding night and  over 13 years later, his hatred of emotional and sexual intimacy had become almost unbearable for Jalene. With each passing year, Chuck’s physical abuse also increased. However, he made certain his abuse would not be observed by others. Years later when Jalene was a counseling client at a battered women’s shelter she realized that his actions were all traits of an abuser. The assaults were numerous and included dragging her from bed during a sound sleep, pushing her against a wall and pinning her so she was unable to move and shoving her to the floor; constraining her.

Repeatedly, when Jalene noted Chuck was abusive, his anger was intense when he cited he had never beaten her. Chuck ignored Jalene’s explanation of physical abuse and reminded her he had never done anything to abuse her. Additionally, when counselors noted she must address his homosexuality with him, his denial was always accompanied with Chuck’s excessive rage and throwing items at Jalene (whatever was close by and available). He never hit her with the items thrown, but his anger validated the truth.

Counselors reiterated that had Chuck not been gay, his emotional explosions would not have been uncontrollable. Whether or not Chuck deemed Jalene’s accusations of his homosexuality subjective, the objective fact of minimal and infrequent physical intimacy, substantiated her concerns. Jalene had filed for divorce previously, but Chuck’s threats seemed insurmountable for her. She gave in and remained in the marriage; more for the sake of her children than for the constant emotional anguish she endured. Her desire to maintain a family unit was of utmost importance to Jalene. She learned to live with infrequent emotional or physical intimacy.

Jalene understood life was comprised of more than merely a relationship between her and Chuck. Though infrequent, there were times of joy within the Wood family, especially when Jalene put her thoughts and efforts into activities with the children. She loved participating in events as a Camp Fire Leader and homeroom mother. Jalene also gave family holidays and celebrations 100% of her time and devotion. It was imperative to Jalene such times would be special and memorable for all the family and friends whom celebrated with them.

Please follow Jalene as she continues her journey with their family. This blog began in April 2016 with her childhood journey.

Why Can’t We Take A Vacation?

During the summer of 1981, Jalene’s petitions to Chuck were numerous. “Why can’t we take a family vacation while awaiting the move into our home, especially with the lengthy home updates which await us?” Chuck was firm in his reply. “No, we don’t have the money for a vacation.” Jalene’s pleas and tears became sobs of grief. “Chuck, you mandated that we sell the home the children and I loved and move into a roach and flea infested apartment. Additionally, you are spending thousands to update the new house to accommodate our family’s needs. Yet you say we can’t afford a small vacation?”

“No”, As Chuck had done for their 12 years of marriage, his word was the law. The summer was filled with frequent and lengthy trips to and from Edmond for the children to participate in community events. However, there was no reprieve from the small, dingy apartment.  Shortly before school began in late summer 1981, the Wood family moved into Chuck’s cherished home.

Jalene’s sadness remained regarding the move, as she realized not only was this not a home she desired, but the months of having the home in a state of disrepair would be a tremendous inconvenience for the family of four. For weeks the family kitchen was a microwave in the laundry room and a refrigerator in the garage. The dishes were washed in the small laundry sink. The house was filled with dust and debris as the contractors worked for months to restructure Chuck’s house to a home for the family.

Jalene understood that a house does not make a home. A family makes a home. Thus, she looked toward the day the renovation would be complete and the family could settle into their new house and neighborhood.  Each of the children adapted rapidly.  Christian met several neighborhood pals whom would become lifelong friends well into their adulthood.

As the holidays approached, Jalene eagerly planned the annual holiday parties. There was always a Wood family event with Chuck’s parents, brother and family, his aunts, uncles and cousins. There were parties for church friends and others for the children’s school mates. The month of December was spent with hours of holiday decorating, shopping, cooking, baking, cleaning the house and then enjoying the guests.

1982 would bring a new aspect to their family. Jalene had been completing her bachelor’s degree while simultaneously beginning her master’s degree. Because Chuck had  directed Jalene to drop out of college to work full-time to enable completion of his degree, her education had been a challenge. Returning to college as an older student as a wife and mother of two young children, she was required to study late at night and early in the morning before the children awakened.  Jalene understood because Chuck mandated she earn a paycheck, her degree would provide her greater career opportunities.

Jalene’s greatest desire was to remain at home and fulfill her role as wife and mother. Nonetheless, Chuck’s requisite for Jalene to obtain a full-time career fulfilled his greed for monetary assets. As Jalene applied for numerous career positions, she felt defeated and betrayed. Delaying the inevitable was not a possibility. Chuck searched the paper for potential jobs for Jalene. She either found a job she desired, or she realized Chuck would choose one for her.

Jalene rapidly understood that with her degree in Nutrition, becoming a Registered Dietitian (R.D) was necessary. The local university where she had obtained her bachelor’s and master’s degree had not offered the American Dietetic Association (A.D.A) requirements for registration. Jalene was required to complete an additional 63 hours of post-graduate courses to meet the requisites for the A.D.A.

Without outside help on cleaning the home, Jalene’s responsibilities of the household chores and errands, as well as participating in church and community events, the children’s school events, working full-time and attending evening college classes exacerbated Jalene’s stress and migraine headaches. She yearned for the love and understanding from her husband. Yet Chuck had no empathy for Jalene. His goals of earning more success and prestige in his career and community were possible only if Jalene contributed monetarily.

Jalene’s job required that she frequently worked nights and Saturdays. This was especially difficult for her when she had to miss the children’s school and sports events. On one particular Saturday, it had been a long and difficult day. As she opened the door to enter the house,  excitedly Christian ran up to her shouting, “Mom, guess what Daddy did today?”

Jalene was too exhausted to attempt a guess. She believed perhaps Chuck had taken the children for an outing, which she frequently pleaded with him to do. Chuck’s routine was to spend the day watching television while the children entertained themselves, unless they had a sports event.  Jalene realized today was different. Christian, aged 8 was beside himself with elation. She knew it was something very special.

When Christian shrieked, “Daddy bought a Mercedes Benz”, she immediately felt faint. “What-why?” Jalene repeated the words to Christian several times. She was not believing what she was hearing. “Yes, Daddy, bought a Mercedes. Isn’t that awesome?” Jalene’s head was spinning and she felt her skin become flushed. “No”, she wanted to scream, but the words choked in her throat. This was not awesome. This was disgusting. Chuck mandated that she work, so he could purchase a Mercedes Benz. His arrogance had become far greater than his love for his wife or his children.

This was the beginning of Chuck’s obsession for prestige and the appearance of success. Jalene was merely a game piece for Chuck’s monetary desires. Please follow Jalene as she continues her journey with Chuck’s love for his assets and glory. This blog began in April 2016 with her childhood journey.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not Again

Dear Friends,

Thank you for your patience in following me, even though it’s been over 4 months since I last posted in my blog. Life continues to be challenging. With illnesses and a couple of trips, time didn’t permit me to blog. However, I’m now back and will attempt to be as consistent as possible with my postings. Thank you for continuing with me on my journey.

1981 would bring more changes to the lives of the Wood family. Jalene remained involved with Camp Fire Girls, Boy Scouts, teaching Sunday School and working several part-time jobs while becoming closer to completing her Bachelor of Science degree. By March, Chuck was ancy to make another move. Jalene grappled with Chuck’s chronic yearning to appear more successful. A more expensive home only signaled more stress for Jalene; not success.

The brand-new home in the newly developed neighborhood was cherished by Jalene. It not only met all their family’s size requirements, but it was a lovely home. Having purchased the house when the construction had just begun, it was akin to a custom-built home. Chuck and Jalene completed the construction with their personal choices of colors, flooring, fixtures, etc.  The children loved their rooms and Jalene cherished the extremely large kitchen. She hosted countless community events, family and church parties there and it held some memorable times from the short 4 years of their residency.

To exacerbate Jalene’s frustration with the desired move, Chuck wanted to move to a neighborhood approximately the same age as the one where they currently resided. The house was almost identical in size, but for a cost of over $30,000 more. The increase in mortgage payments would put a strain on Chuck’s modest income. However, he reminded Jalene often of his mandate she find a full-time job as soon as she competed her college degree. Chuck cited the degree was not to be wasted as a stay-at-home mother.

Jalene reminded Chuck the degree was an insurance policy for if she must return to a full-time career, but that she never desired a career. This was not a topic for discussion. Chuck mandated Jalene would indeed become a career wife. Jalene’s stomach tightened at the thought of leaving home daily to work full time, but return to all the responsibilities of a  wife and mother. She also understood many women had to earn a living for survival. When Jalene realized her work ruling was for Chuck to purchase more expensive cars and larger homes, she felt his edict was not justifiable.

Nonetheless, Chuck was the ruler of his home and he insisted they move across the street to the more prestigious neighborhood.  When Jalene said no, he became aggressive with the realtor, requesting she telephone Jalene urging her to sign the contract on the home which Chuck desired. Jalene didn’t like the home. It was the same age as the one they owned, but it was someone else’s home; not theirs, not the one they had chosen together.

Jalene’s pleas to remain in their house failed. The battle was fought and Chuck once again was the victor. The owners of their second house would not budge. They were having a home custom built and informed Chuck and Jalene they would not move until their new home was totally completed. There were no negotiations on this. Jalene became even more remorseful when their house sold quickly and they were compelled to move into an apartment over 25 miles away from their community and new home.

Why oh why was Chuck so selfish? Jalene spent countless, sleepless nights pondering her desire to marry a man whom cared nothing about his wife or children. His interests were the only ones which mattered.

In less than 24 hours after moving into the roach infested, ramshackled 2 bedroom apartment the children’s legs were red with welts and severe itching. The apartment was flea infested. When complaining to the apartment manager, Jalene was accused of being dishonest. Jalene purchased white knee high socks for each of the children to wear. When they stepped out of their beds and onto the carept the white socks quickly became dotted with hundreds of fleas.

Jalene marched to the apartment office urging the manager to hastily return to their apartment.  Upon inspection of the children’s red, swollen legs with dozens of bites, the manager ordered the extermination of the fleas.

Jalene was hopeful the worst of the problem was behind them, even though she constantly battled the excessive roach problem. As she laid in bed at night sobbing about the living conditions of her family, Chuck had no sympathy. He knew only that when they moved into their next home, he could tout he lived in a more prestigious neighborhood.

Shortly after the fleas had vanished, the rains came. Due to the extreme dis-repair of the apartment, the room where the children were sleeping was flooded. They awakened one morning to not only a soggy carpet, but stepped in several inches of water. When oh when would their lives have any normalcy? Jalene didn’t realize in the summer of 1981, there would never again be normalcy to her life. When she married Chuck, any aspirations for a normal life as many families knew, would not be for the Wood family.

Please follow Jalene as she continues her journey with Chuck and their children. This blog began in April 2016 with her childhood journey.

A Safe Haven

“Sir, I’m a student here and thought this would be a safe place to sleep”. Jalene had been awakened with a rapid knocking on her car window, as she slept in the university parking lot.  The evening held another volatile and physical confrontation with Chuck. As was becoming Chuck’s routine, after the children were put to bed, he would then attack Jalene verbally, emotionally and/or physically.

Jalene explained to the officer she was fleeing an abusive husband, but had no money to go to a hotel. The understanding officer calmly stated, “I understand. You will be safe here. I will patrol the area during the night to be certain you are secure.” After several hours Jalene returned home as she was unable to comfortably sleep in her automobile. She dreaded returning home to the wrath of Chuck, but she longed for a comfortable bed for the few hours of sleep she hoped to have.

Chuck’s assaults that night were typical of countless others. As he had done in 1967, he  wanted her to drop out of college and work full-time, so she could bring in more income. He was a Certified Public Accountant; the Tax Director for an oil company, with an adequate income to provide for his family. Why did he insist that she drop out of college to work full time?

She worked three part-time jobs to supplement the family income, so  she could earn her college degree. Jalene believed a degree would not only provide her a greater income, but also allow her to work a job she enjoyed; not one she was forced to take to meet the demands of a controlling husband.

As Jalene walked back into the house, she was greeted with Chuck’s brusque tone, “where have you been?” Passively Jalene replied, “I drove over to the university.” Chuck continue to interrogate her. She maintained short and honest answers, not wanting to divulge her safe haven, should she need to go there again. In their entire marriage, Jalene never lied nor was dishonest to Chuck.

Jalene learned early in their marriage, Chuck had been dishonest to her numerous times prior to and during their marriage.  With all  the lies she had endured from her parents, lying and dishonesty were some of Jalene’s greatest obstacles in trusting others. Her integrity and conscience would not allow her to do so.  She also knew she had nothing to hide. Thus, to Jalene deceit gained nothing.

As the weeks and months passed, seldom where there moments of closeness or kindness from Chuck. The children’s ages brought more responsibilities for her with their studies and activities. She was now carrying a full load of college coursework, but continued to focus on being the best wife and mother she could be. She realized she was not perfect, but she always hoped her best would outweigh the mistakes she made along life’s path.

Christmas Eve 1980 became one which would not only linger in Jalene’s heart, but would bring much sorrow each time she reflected upon it. She had hosted countless parties for church, Chuck’s family and office staff, as well as the children’s school and community groups. This left little time for preparing for her own small family’s holiday festivities.

Cutout, decorated Christmas cookies had been a Christmas tradition for as long as Jalene could recall. These were the last of the holiday treats which she needed to complete before Chuck’s brother, Mike and sister-in-law, Linda were going to join them for their Christmas Eve celebration.

When Jalene heard the kitchen door open, she sighed, “Chuck, I’m so glad you are home. Can you help me get the treats ready, since Mike and Linda will be here soon and I need to finish decorating these cookies?” Chuck didn’t hesitate with his gruff reply, “no, you should have managed your schedule better to have everything done.” Jalene burst into uncontrollable sobs. “Chuck, you know how much I’ve had to do with all the parties, college class finals, holiday shopping and gift wrapping. These cookies are the last goodies I’m finishing up.”

Jalene reminded him that with Christmas being the next day, his parents were coming and she had more food to prepare for that holiday meal.  For Chuck, this was another way to remind Jalene that he had no interest in her emotional needs. He didn’t care that she was exhausted. It was her problem not his. He changed his clothes and awaited the arrival of Mike and Linda.

Jalene’s tears became loud sobs. Her pleas for assistance became emotional hysteria. Why did Chuck turn his back on her time and again? She was not baking cookies for herself. She wanted to have a special holiday treat for their children and Chuck’s family. Shortly before Mike’s arrival, Jalene had become physically ill from the tremendous emotional fatigue.

She didn’t want Mike and Linda to be aware of another explosive encounter between her and Chuck. She got in her car and began driving. She felt she had no option except to get away from the intense psychological abuse from Chuck. The longer she drove, the more hysterical she became. She prayed and cried for the next four hours.

She returned home long after Mike and Linda had arrived and departed. Jalene was again reminded that her life with Chuck would never be one of joy and contentment. She was also reminded of her Dad’s words which he cited numerous times when things were difficult with Chuck, “you made your bed. Now you must lie in it”. Glenn had no sympathy nor compassion for the abuse Jalene endured from Chuck. Also, because Glenn had been extremely abusive toward Jalene, he believed she was a woman whom deserved such treatment.

Please follow Jalene as she continues to survive the sorrow of a loveless marriage. Will it improve or only worsen?  This blog began with her childhood journey in April 2016.

The 30 Year Old College Student

As Jalene approached her 30th birthday, her desire to complete her college education increased.  She realized that with Chuck’s mandate for her to earn an income, she preferred to perform a job she enjoyed rather than merely bringing home a paycheck. She would attend classes while Marie was in school and Christian was in pre-school three days a week.

Chuck balked at Jaelene’s plans. He had required she drop out of college 10 years earlier. Jalene was determined.  Chuck was not going to prevent her now from returning to college. She quietly stashed away some of her meager earnings, so with the upcoming semester she could enroll in one or two classes. When Chuck understood he could not dissuade Jalene from returning to college, he seceded.

Jalene’s days were long, but she endured. She awakened early to prepare her children for their day, awaited for the other youngsters to arrive and drove all of them to school. On the days Christian attended pre-school, she delivered him to his awaiting teachers and quickly dashed to her own classes. She departed from the university in enough time to pick up Christian, return home and await the arrival of Marie and her after school charges.

Once a week she co-led the Camp Fire Girls and often hosted school parties. Additionally, there were other school and church events which Jalene was involved with. By the time she tended to the evening routine of preparing dinner, assisting the children with schoolwork and their nightly baths and preparation for them to head off to bed, it was a long, full day.

Because Chuck seldom assisted Jalene or interacted with her or the children, her own college studies were during the early hours of the morning. She sometimes remained up until 2-3:00 a.m. to complete her studies after she had fulfilled her duties as mom and homemaker.

Jalene endured tremendous stress working part-time jobs to earn additional income for the family, being involved in the children’s school activities, maintaining all the duties of mother and homemaker and now the role of a college student. Nonetheless, Jalene knew the end results would be of great benefit to her, if she could just “get through this difficult time. Chuck became more abusive toward Jalene as he realized she was gaining a new understanding of independence.

Her scope of life was broadened with not only her college classes, but the opportunity of interacting with a diverse group of individuals. Frequently, Chuck would disagree with Jalene during casual conversation about current events or happenings in the community. It greatly angered Chuck when Jalene could validate what she had noted was true.

She was disquieted when the children would “chime in”, “Daddy is right”, even though often times he was not. Jalene quickly realized Chuck’s determination to make her appear inferior to him would always be the victor over the truth.

When the children were young toddlers Chuck informed Jalene that he had no desire to discipline the children. She was with them all day. Therefore, she could address any concerns she had with them. The children learned rapidly that they could speak to Jalene rudely or treat her with great disrespect and there was no one who whom punish them. Jalene was deemed  the “mean parent” very early in the chidlren’s lives. She attempted to instill morals and Godly principles in the children, but she had no back up from Chuck.

At age three, Marie put her hands on her hips and said, “I will tell my Daddy when he comes home.” She did and it remained for the duration of Marie’s life. Well into her 40’s and beyond, anytime Jalene said anything which Marie disagreed with, she “ran to Daddy”. Each of the children knew that whatever the situation and no matter the reality, Chuck would “side” with them.

Not having a husband whom loved, supported or cared about her always compounded her anxiety. Chuck was becoming more abusive with each passing year. Another young mother in the community, Sarah was aware of Jalene’s problematic marriage and the strain she endured. Sarah recommended that Jalene seek counseling.

As the sorrow of Jalene’s life cascaded onto the ears of the counselor, Jalene realized the past 30 years of her life were indeed atypical. She was born into a family of poverty to extremely abusive parents. She naively left home to marry an abusive, gay man. When attempting to have her marriage annulled, her parents and pastor informed her she must remain as she took vows before God and that is what was expected of her.

Now without physical or emotional love from her husband, she realized she must learn to live with the circumstances she was facing. Additionally, the more the counselor learned of the abuse from Charles, the more he became aware of the serious abuse of her youth and young adult life. Jalene was absolutely on a surreal life’s path.

If you have not followed Jalene’s journey, her story  began in April 2016 when she was a child in OH.